Schadenfraude

Schadenfraude: This German word been has defined in English as a feeling of joy at the misfortune of another.

I think it was Lily Tomlin that said, "Time wounds all heels." I know my mom frequently quoted it when I was growing up. It's easy and human to gloat over someone who has done something horrible experiencing the consequences of their actions. Revenge is a very human emotion.

I've been trying hard to be positive in my LJ, because I believe positive breeds positive, like bread upon the waters. (Okay, that breeds trusting fish. But I like fish.)

I think there are some things you have to speak out against, or all your positivity is just willful blindness.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not a cheerleader for blind peace. But I am an advocate of watchful, vigilant peace. I think it's the only true and stable peace you can have.

Lao Tzu observed, as early as 570-490 B.C.:

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If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.

If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.

If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.

If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.

If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.

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You can't have real peace in your heart, the kind that fosters the positive in others and reflects it back to you, if you let certain things go by you without saying, "Hey, that's just wrong."

The desire for revenge is human, and when the feeling of schadenfraude is merely a sense of satisfaction at actual justice done, it's a positive release of the pain from a wrong experienced.

Where schadenfraude crosses the line into something that's just plain wrong is when the misfortune is not an act of justice against someone who has committed some crime, or tort, or act of malice. When schadenfraude is based in envy and resentment--because someone has some happiness you wanted for yourself and just haven't managed to get--that's a wrong feeling and a particularly nasty extension of wallowing in self-pity and bitterness.

Where schadenfraude crosses the line into active evil is when it is expressed publicly in intention and hope that it will inflict further pain and suffering on others.

Callous belittling of someone's misfortune is almost as bad. Needless harm done through blind indifference is almost as bad as similar harm done through malice. With malice, the target can at least say to themselves, "Consider the source."

What's the best way to deal with schadenfraude (and I think the word implies that the feeling goes beyond justice) when we encounter it? I think compassion demands that we say something any time we see malice in action, at least to publicly reassure the target of it that we agree that it's not okay. Sometimes saying an act of malice isn't okay will shame the culprit. Sadly, most malicious people are beyond shame.

My mother had another saying for that. The first time I remember hearing it was when I came home from school upset at the nastiness of the school bully, "Julie, just imagine: She has to live with herself twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. You only have to see her at school. You can get away from her. She can never get away from herself."

It provided my childhood self a small feeling of comfort and justice. Comfort, by reminding me of all the time I didn't have to spend with her or think about her. The justice is obvious.

I guess it works as well as a balm for exposure to the terminally insensitive as it does as a balm for malice.

Some days, your mama's wisdom is the best thing you can share.